We are, all of us, “enough”.  I spent a good deal of my life being overly concerned with trying to get people to like me.  The opinions of others meant more to me than the opinions I had for myself.  Granted, I was young.  I was still discovering and creating who I was.  I looked to the important people in my life to help me figure that out.  As a result I lost myself completely in the “ideas” of what I “should” be.  I, eventually, had a breakdown, went through a very serious depression where I would hermit myself in my apartment for days or weeks at a time.  I was terrified all the time.  I didn’t know “who” I was…and I hated what would stare back at me in the mirror.  It was a dark time.

Having gone through this…which I now consider a gift…I am a person of strength, integrity, loyalty, kindness, openness and truth.  This is what I hope to be.  I make mistakes.  I make bad choices.  But, I strive to be the best “me” I can be.  The “me” that I want to be…not the one others want me to be for them.  It’s hard.  Because I do care what people think about me.  We all want to be liked and respected, but I have to remind myself, daily, that my opinion of of me is the most important opinion.  Only I know my true heart.  If I am bold and brave enough to really look at my  heart and give a true account for what I see…well, holy shit!!!  That is the best thing I can for myself in this life.

So, today I choose.  I choose to kill my own ego and treat others the way I would like to be treated…even if they don’t treat me that way in return.

I also have to acknowledge that we are all trying to make the best choices we can.  I really don’t think anyone is trying to hurt anyone else…or is out to get anyone else.  We are all just doing the best we can with what we have.  We can always learn and grow.  We can always take the choice we made today and make a better one tomorrow…if we are brave enough to see if the choice we made wasn’t the best one possible.

I am, clearly, feeling contemplative. 

Tech continues on and everyone is a big ball of stress, frustration and excitement.  It’s a crazy time.  Every process is the same…in a different way.  If I felt completely secure in this show at this stage of the game, I would be terrified.  We are all stressed because we are so passionate about our art.  We are pouring our hearts out for this show.  I am so grateful to be surrounded by so many inspired artists.  I’m a lucky girl.  A tired…but lucky girl.

Coronado by Dennis Lehane.  The Holding Company.  3215 Beverly Blvd.  LA, CA.  Sunday through Tuesdays at 8pm.  March 4-27.  866-261-9199.  brownpapertickets.com.  playerkingproductions.com.